Letting go is never easy. Ever. No matter what it is – toxic relationships, friendships, the past – it doesn’t matter, it hurts like hell to let anything go. At least, it’s always been that way for me.
There’s a quote by David Foster Wallace that states: “Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks in it.” I relate with this quote more than I am willing to admit. I’ve always struggled with letting things go. And when I say struggled, I mean really struggled. I don’t think there’s ever been a time when I let something go with ease. I just don’t like change. To be honest, it completely terrifies me.
As of now, I am currently in the process of trying to let go of someone I love. A part of me is starting to believe it’s never going to happen, but deep down I know I need to. But how? How do you let go of someone you love? Do you just stop communicating with them and hope for the best? Try and fool your heart by attempting to think of them less? I don’t know. The more I think about it, the more it drives me insane.
Despite all of that, I know this is something I need to do. I need to figure out a way to just…let go. Why? Because the person I love is leaving. He’s moving and he does not plan on me going with him, nor does he plan on trying to make a long distance relationship work. I had myself convinced that my love would be enough – that somehow he would change his mind about going, or he would realize he wants me there as well – but that never happened. I can’t be selfish in this situation, either. I need to allow him to chase his dreams, even if those dreams don’t include me. When you love someone you have to make sacrifices, right?
This relationship, or ex-relationship I should say, undoubtedly has my claw marks etched into it. I tried so desperately to hold on, to change his mind somehow. I tried for so long to try and salvage a relationship that he no longer wanted or desired. I just didn’t want to let go of the guy that was once my absolute best friend. The guy who I loved with all of my heart.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to the fact that I am the only one struggling in this situation – at least, that’s the way he’s made it seem. He’s already found a way to let go, and now, so do I. Somehow. I will find a way to let go.